I suck at darts. I could never hit that big dot smack at the center of the board. But I’m a whiz at playing the mobile version of it in my phone, but then again, i digress, it’s another story. I was blog hopping and a mom-blogger was saying something about life and our hits and misses, and this got me to thinking how i stink at darts. Now i don’t know why my mind shifted from life’s hit and misses to my ever hopeless wrist talent.
Does my inability to hit the bulls eye in proportion with how well i will do in life?
Now that’s deep, even for me. lol.
It is said that life is all about shooting targets. Aiming for dozens to hundreds of them during our whole existence.
But if you ask me now what targets i want to be shooting at, I wouldn’t have a definite answer. But I do imagine being alive when I’m 40 hopefully with a family of my own. I am not like one who strive to have a millions in my account, drive a Porsche and park it in my own garage right beside my Benz. I would want that, but i wouldn’t kill for that. Oftentimes i get lost in the chatter of young prof. like myself about how successful one wants to become. I drown with all the figures and things that goes with the tide of success driven crowd. And that’s an easy feat, drowning, when your just 5-foot-something. And as the discussion would go strong as the aroma of coffee canopying the cafe, i would sip my mug in silence thinking how much more practice i need to do with my wrist just so i could hit that elusive black dot.
I think of all the hits and misses I’ve had during my years of target practice. I have goals and dreams, like others do. But maybe I just have a different set of targets, unlike what others have. And each hits and misses I’ve been having all these years, I know eventually they’ll lead me closer to my target. Maybe not close enough for some, but it would do for me. Because I’ve encountered a few bull’s eye along the way.
I got a friend who felt pressured because another friend gave her the third degree on not having a definite plan for her life before she reaches thirty. A definite, concrete, well plotted scheme to follow. I’m not that good in reading maps, and my sense of direction is suffering from atrophy. So does this mean I’m doomed for the next five years? yaiiiiiks!
I get happy with good news I get day by day, and in the back of my mind secretly hoping knowing that it would fit a perfect little spot in the grand scheme of life. I TRY to learn from the mistakes I’ve witnessed and committed, and not beat myself up when I just need to learn them again. That’s my short term plans. My short term goals.
I’m leaving next month to work overseas. I’ve been often asked how long am i planning to stay there. 5 years? 6 ? 7? For good? I give a sheepish smile and say that I’ll give it half a year to a year then see from there. I’ll decide then based from the situation when that time comes.
I’ve been told that to be able to stay tuned to my target, deviations and alterations are unnecessary and intolerable. But i dig deviations. I want to learn some alterations. I love surprises. No sunset, even how beautiful and breathtaking, ever happens twice. It depends on the weather, the cloud formations, the wind, etc. But it’s goal of showing how beautiful God’s creation is still attained. Never fails.
I want to allow God’s hand to mold me into a different me everyday. Circle now, cube the next. And at the end of everything I know I am part of every little thing I’ve been through. And whatever shape I’m in (hopefully a little thinner than my current, lol) in the end, I would be happy.
Some would kill for the their own dreams to come true. But I’m more busy being awake and enjoying the reality of small dreams I’m blessed with: someone to love, friends to enjoy, family to cherish. I will have my own hits and misses spent on them as I continue on my target practice, and I will come closer to my own black dot in the center: someone to love, friends to enjoy and family to cherish. (Plus a million in my account and a Porsche in my driveway, wouldn’t hurt. lol)
Windchimes 