Candy Thoughts (repost)

A friend of mine from planet Xenu asked for a copy of some short works I’ve written a couple of years ago. Short stories they said they were. But they’re just really mumbled words trying to tell a story because if I don’t write them down I can almost see the characters with comic balloons inside my head exchanging lines and I’m afraid they’re going to end up killing each other and I don’t want to be a witness to a murder scene cause I’m prone to memory lost and that would make me a horrible horrible witness if ever I’m asked to recount what happen! *gasp!* that was a long sentence. (I can make it longer. lemme! lemme! lol)

And then, i had a short chat with iya yesterday and she told me she’s a silent lurker in this blog. (Hmmph! and that goes to all who are silent lurkers in this blog. Let your presence be known! Mga tagulilong! lol. Comment pud mo oi! Lol) . She mentioned she’s just waiting that something similar to a short story would come popping up soon in one of my posts. Haaaay i hope so too. I can’t even make a decent post, much more a poem/short story. Haaaaay… wish i could be a writer. hehehhe.. One of my HDA- Hopes Dreams and Aspiration. *sigh!*

Anyhow, i remembered this short story (believe me i find it so hard to even say those two words!) i wrote back in 2004. It’s sappy, it’s cheesy, it’s mushy and more importantly, it’s simple. Exactly how i want it to be, except the sappy, cheesy, mushy part. I don’t want to write a novel. I don’t think I’m cut out for that. But oh how much i want to practice practice and practice writing. *sigh again*

So here’s my half true, half-false short piece. Ciao! 🙂

Candy Thoughts

“Candy for your thoughts.”

The sound of his voice brought her out of her reverie. She looked up from the book she was reading and smiled at the man who was holding a piece of pink Alpenliebe candy bar towards her. He’s got that disarming smile of his again; ready to do battle with her now flustered self.

“Hey you. Going my way soldier?”

She said, as she held out her hand ready to receive her present.

“Yup, as a matter of fact I am. Here, i bought a little more pink to go with that pink top. ”

He said as he got the chair in the other side of the table and placed it alongside hers, and with all ease settled himself beside her.

“Well, I never had candy for an accessory”

she jokingly said as she put the tiny pink package under her left ear imitating a dangling earring.

“You’re supposed to eat it silly. Well, if you don’t want it I can always take it back and …”

“No, I’ll just eat it later okay. Thanks.”

She immediately said before he could finish. She straighten herself, got her bag from the table and placed the candy inside.

“Good thing you’re talking to me now.”

“Huh? What do you mean by that?”

“Well, it seems that you’ve been avoiding me these past few days. Why’s that?” He said but appeared to be nonchalant about it.

Oh so he noticed…

“You’re just being paranoid. I was just busy with work and, you know, other stuff.”

“Yeah right, that is not a reason that is an excuse. So don’t give me that crap.”

He placed his left arm at the back of her chair and was gently running his fingers through her hair. It seems so natural for him to do the thing he’s doing right now. She had to control herself from closing her eyes and not let him see how much she’ll miss this, how much she’ll miss him when he goes away.

“I really am busy you know. Don’t worry I’ll make it up to you before you leave.”

She said as she looked at him from the corner of her eyes.

“I don’t believe you. You were never too busy for me.”

He said without looking at her.

It’s hard to tell what’s on his mind. His voice was void of emotion.

Yes, I am avoiding you. And yes, it hurts like hell.But I have to do this because I’m your friend. I don’t want to play tricks with myself when you’re on your way to her. You asked me before what I think about the two of you. You asked me what I think you should do. I told you that you have to fight for what you feel. I told you to do whatever you think is right. You’re the best judge on what you truly feel, it’s your happiness, and it’s your choice.

“Oh is that so huh, I didn’t know you had such confidence in you. Well my dear friend let me remind you that my world does not revolve around you only. You’re just being a little too sensitive lately, must be because the big day is getting close huh?”

He took the book she was reading from the table and flips through the pages.

“What if suddenly you can read minds?”

Good thing you cant read mine. You see, I have a one-track mind and you’re smack in the middle of it.

“Hmm, aren’t we a little weird today…”

She playfully punches him on his shoulders. He shuffles his hand at the top her head and creating a heap of unruly strands to form. He knows she hates it when he does that. And he knows that he can get away with it.

God I’ll really miss this. I’ll really miss him.”

“Well, you didn’t answer my stupid hypothetical question. What if you can suddenly read minds, and you find out that a friend of yours likes you? That would really be pretty awkward huh?”

She doesn’t have to read your mind to know that you like her fool. She’s known you longer than I do. She knows you well and for heavens sake it’s written all over you. Unlike you, she’s not blind to other people’s affection. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeves for you, and you don’t even notice that. A friends a friend and that is me.

“hmm…awkward?…Maybe at first. But if the two of you are really good friends I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

The only wrong thing about it is that I’m not that friend.

“But what if you’ll see that it scares him to show you just what he feels because it might change the way things are between the two of you?”

Wow, you really are serious about her huh. I really hope that she’s the one you’ve been waiting for. I really want to see you happy.

“Why all these questions now? Don’t tell me you’re thinking twice about telling her. You’ve been really excited about it, been talking about it non-stop. Don’t stop now, you’re so close.”

Go. So I can finally move on.

She straightened herself and took her black hair tie from her bag. She combs her fingers through her hair and tied it in a ponytail. She settled back in her seat and can’t help but smile at herself when his fingers found its way to her hair again, this time gently playing with the loose strands.

More memories to remember.

“You’re not listening. I said it was just a stupid hypothetical question.”

He smiled as he playfully pulled on her pony tail.

“Oh ok, so just another stupid hypothetical question.”

“Yep just one of those.”

He said with a sigh. She stood up, fixed her hair and got her bag from the table. She took his hand and pulled him up, motioning him to join her.

“Get up, c’mon lets get out of here. Lunch is on me. Just so you wont say that I’m avoiding you and all that crap. Maybe we could buy some pasalubong for her too.”

She said with her biggest smile.

I have to let you go while I still can. I’ll miss you my friend.

He stood up and joined her near the door.

This may be the last time I’m going out with you. You take care okay. Don’t forget about me. Please.

“So where do you wanna go? There’s a new place my friends had been talking about, want to try out that one? Have you packed already? Say hi to her for me okay. We can stop by some pasalubong centers after lunch…”

I’m rambling and I know it. I hope these words could drown this emptiness I feel inside.

“I’m taking the afternoon off so I could help you buy some stuff you’ll be needing. Do you have everything ready? What time is your flight anyway?”

“You talk too much.”

He said with a smile.

“Nah, you just miss me cause we haven’t talked a lot these past few days. Did I tell you…”

God, help me be strong.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

…What?

“What?”

“I said I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here.”

…Why?

“But… but why?”

Suddenly her thoughts are in rhyme with her words.

“You talk too much. You haven’t been listening to a word I said. Lets go, I’m treating you out. You did promise an afternoon with me right?”

He said with smile as they headed out of the café.

She let him lead her out. She took the pink Alpenliebe Candy from her bag, unwrapped it and placed the pink-and-white striped candy in her mouth. She smiled as she enjoyed the sweet taste of her treat. She swears, it does taste a little sweeter than the usual.

Isang Tagpo

Isang Tagpo.

Titigan.

Halos matunaw ako sa aking kinatatayuan sa tindi ng iyog mga titig. Mga matang umanoy hindi mapakali hangga’t hindi nakakakuha ng sagot sa mga tanong na bumabagabag dito.

At wala akong nagawa, at wala akong ginawa kundi ang hayaan kang titigan ako at basahin ang bawat lihim na kayang dukutin ng mga titig mo.

May mga aninong dumaraan sa harap natin, sa tabi, sa likod, ngunit walang sino man at ano man ang makakatinag sa mga mata mo na di umanoy nakadikit sa akin.

Nadama ko na lng unti-unti ang haplos mo. Haplos na tila ba isa akong babasaging dyamante sa yong mga palad. Hindi ka nagmadali at hindi ka naging marahas. Sa halip ay tila bumagal ang oras habang hawak mo’ko sa palad mo. Walang oras at walang panahon. Walang kahapon at walang bukas. Ngayon lang at ikaw at ako at ang mga haplos mo.

Ipinikit natin ang ating mga mata na tila umuusal ng dasal. Tahimik na hinihintay ang sandali na alam nating di natin kayang takasan.

At dahan-dahan, naglapat ang labi mo sa labi ko. At alam ko na kahit panakaw ang mga sandaling gaya nito, ay paulit-ulit ko itong aasamin at hihintayin.

At pagkatapos ng kaunting sandali ng panakaw na init, tayo’y naglayo ng may lihim na ngiti sa labi. Isang lihim na tanging tayo lamang ang may alam.

Titig. Haplos. Labi.

Buntung-hininga.

Hanggang sa muli na kailanganin mo uli ng isang tahimik na kakampi. Hanggang kailanganin mo muli ako.

Isang kaibigan.
Isang kakampi.
Isang puting tasa na ang tanging hangad ay ang labi mo na hihigop sa ano mang sarap na dala ko.

************
photocourtesyof:www.deviantart.com

Sketch Pad

She spent the last few waking moments she had the night before, doodling with her sketch pad. She’s not much of an artist. And she’s not claiming to be one. But last night she just doesn’t care. As usual. It was just her, her pad and her thoughts. Nothing else.

It wasn’t the first time she made rough sketches with him in mind. It was not something new to her. It was just one of those nights, moments, when she felt too tired of questioning what she feels and what she ought to do about it. Everybody gets tired right? Everybody has the right to be weak once in awhile. She was just too tired of being strong. So damn tired.

But it was different that night. She wasn’t drawing his hand. Or face. Or shoulders. She was creating an image of his back. Of him walking away. Of him saying goodbye. Of her letting go of him. Letting go of someone that was never hers.

It was supposed to be a rough sketch. Full of hard edges and unsmooth angles. But with her neophyte hands she’d somehow created a gentle connection between the edges, a smooth flow of image, a tender picture of a friend.

With every line she draw she was saying goodbye. With every curve she was saying goodbye.
With the picture she had created she was letting go.

She stared at the image she’d made. She smiled. A painful one. Yes, it’s time to let go.

She wants to draw other pictures… not just of goodbye’s but of hello’s. Not just of letting go, but of holding on. Not just images of her fantasies but real pictures.

She opened another page in her sketch pad. Stared at it, as if by staring, millions of images would come out from it. She smiled. A hopeful one.

She’l come back again to that new page tomorrow. Tonight is for letting go.

Tomorrow, she’s gonna to be painting new dreams. Tomorrow she’s gonna be drawing new pictures.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

timecheck: 10:20 am sa ofc

tsk tsk.. pano ba to? ilang ulit ko ng sinabi na i’ll keep my distance from him. Sino bang niloko ko? Di naman ganon kadali yun ah. Ewan ko bah, mahina ba talaga ako or ganon lng talaga kabagsik ang dating ng taong ito sa akin?

hay naku… ewan ewan… ba’t naman kasi sa ugok na ito pa ako na-fall in like. Ang dami dami ko gustong sabihin sa kanya. Ang dami-dami ko gustong ipadama. Kaya lang, hanggang secret blogs and unsent letters lang yata ang kaya ko. May nakaka-relate kaya sa’kin? Ako ay isang sawi! haha…yaiks! ang sagwa!

Ang dami ko namang crushie sa past pero after awhile, lalo na pag-naging friend ko na , nawawala naman kung ano man yung ka-cornyhang nafi-feel ko … minsan nga di ko na mapicture yung mga faces nila sa imagination ko. Di ko na ma-associate ang face sa person ehehe.. i mean not that detailed na. Pero tong isang to… iba yung epekto sa kin eh, para bang naka-tattoo sa kaibuturan ng puso at kasulok-sulokan ng isipan ko yung mukha ng object of affection ko. Ni hindi ko nga crush tong taong to eh. Bigla nalang may sumulpot na kung ano mula sa kung saan. Tapos bigla na lng i see his face kahit nka-pikit ako, lalo na siguro kung dilat. Naku po! Tapos may mga comic balloons na naka-attached sa side, with quotes pa sa mga kung ano-anong exchanges namin. Sira na kaya ako?

Ba’t ba kailangan pa nyang sabihin babatukan nya kung sino mang mananakit sa akin noh. Ba’t ba kailangan pa nyang sabihin na hinihintay nya bawat poems na pino-post ko (not on this page, BAWAL siya dito, NO ENTRY!). Nung minsang di nya ako pinapansin, bigla ba namang mag go-goodnyt ng ala-una ng umaga. Tama ba naman yun??!! Tapos sasabihin pa na sure daw siya na pag siya manliligaw sa akin eh siguradong busted agad… hay naku.. ang nasagot ko na lng sa mokong na itech… “if you only knew”…

hmmm… sana mawala na to noh… kaya lng sana wag rin muna… iba kasi eh… kahit medyo frustrating it gives a certain joy na ako lang ang nakaka-alam. Ang gulo.. kung ano man to… sobrang gulo.

Sobra na to, di na kaya ng powers ko !

Panglao

hehehe… everyone always gets into a senti mood given the right setting. And with this piece… i owe it to the sand, the stars and sea… all courtesy of the paradise called panglao…

It was beautiful. Even here in the dark, nothing can rob it of its beauty. The vastness of the sea together with the thousand eyes of the stars looking down at me here in the paradise of Panglao, shelters me in the sweet cocoon of its embrace. I walked alone in the sugar sand, disturbing whatever serenity nature had posed on it. I looked down but couldn’t see traces of my footsteps in the sand, there was not enough light.

I stared straight ahead, across the empty sea, distant lights from passing boats pay tribute to its magnificence, but still there was nothing ahead. Whatever light there was in the far regions this immenseness is not enough to cover the darkness. Emptiness is far too much.

I stared at the water and felt the saline taste of the wind against my face. And slowly a single tear fell, joining my solitude. There was the sea, me and my tears. There was you, me and nothing else. I tasted the saltiness of my tear. A single tear which seems to take forever to reach my lips. Minutes, seconds of forever. I looked straight but all I could see is this pool of black.

I got up from my new found haven not bothering to dust off the sand from my shorts. Before I bid goodbye, I looked up at the grand display of the universe above me. Hundreds, thousands of stars, angels, singing their lullaby to me. In spite of the darkness surrounding them, all I see is their light. It isn’t much, but it’s enough. Enough to stop my tears, enough to at least make me smile.

Looking up, I remembered one line from one of those anime clips. People are just like stars, they seem to be well clustered together, seem close. But in truth there are actually so many spaces between them, so many things that keeps them apart. That’s why we need to get close to really know. Hmm, well something like that. We both couldn’t get the exact words, but we both liked that line much.

Perhaps we are like the stars. Perhaps you are my star.

I smiled at the vastness around me, grateful for its company. I hope that there is more I could do to repay it for its comfort. Thousands, millions, had come and marveled and paid homage to its magic, but only a few, perhaps none, really stayed.

It was just a short chat with nature but enough to put salve to my weary heart. I went back to the cottage and join my friends just opening up a bottle of Jose Cuervo. I doubt if anybody noticed my absence. A momentary lapse of memory on their part.

I gave the vastness of the sea and the sky one long look and I downed my first shot of tequila. And again I remembered you. The last time I tasted one was with you. Please give me this one night. Please allow me to share the loneliness of the sea with you. Perhaps it is more than enough to drown both of our sadness. Please be my star for tonight. Perhaps you could shed some light to my vast darkness.

13march2k4
panglao, bohol

Selfish

a Certified pathetic piece!

I am a selfish person

Yes, indeed I am one. I am selfish for thinking too much of you when Im not supposed to. I dont have the right, and I dont have any reason of why I should let the mere thought of you rule my system.

I am a selfish person.

I am selfish coz I’d rather take a step back, away from you, than stay and have this fear of ruining what we have. Selfish for blaming myself of why I ever had this confusing, nameless, feeling towards you.

I am selfish for I seek nothing than to see you happy. Sorry if I made it my momentary mission to help you look for that someone, your someone. I am so selfish I could think of nothing else and long for nothing else but to see your heart smile. Forgive me if I had momentarily abandoned any other desire that may perhaps include me.

I am a selfish friend.

You deserve more than this. You deserve more than me. How could I ever let confusion get in the way of what I feel for you. Im trying my best not to let this affect how you see me. And so far, I know I am succeeding. You dont have any idea I feel this way right? I know you don’t. How could you, when I’m at one of my biggest performance. This is my stage, you are my audience.

I have a selfish heart.

I possess one which demands one thing from you. I demand “nothing” from you. Nill. Nought. Zip. Zilch. Not anything. But then, perhaps, that is too much to ask. Will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me once you’ve figure this all out?

I am a selfish coward.

Perhaps cowardice is my middle name. A self-proclaimed risk-taker, yet I am left with not an ounce of courage to face what I truly feel for you. I jaunt around this road of denial until I can no longer take another step forward. A tired selfish coward. That is who I am.

It’s all about me, me and me. I never thought I am capable of this much selfishness. Forgive me.

Morning Tryst

You sit inside the room with your back facing the door. He walks inside and you just knew it’s him. Maybe you’ve unconsciously memorized the sound of his footsteps. Maybe you have been attuned to his presence that its absence feels like a lingering void only to be filled by his being there. Or maybe it was just your heart seeing and feeling things that are not really there. And then you feel his hands on your shoulders. Yes, indeed it’s him. You looked up and see the face of the man you acceptably call your friend.

He runs his hands down your hair, falling on your shoulders, resting there, mimicking something like a massage. Your mind starts to wander, a millisecond of heaven. You placed your hand over his, a fraction of a second, a tap, so fast it almost didn’t happened. You feel the hand of the man you’ve decidedly call your friend.

He moves from your back and leans on the desk in front of you, facing you. You could have sworn you saw a different light in his eyes, but then again maybe it was just your heart playing tricks on you. Your own pathetic desire performing yet another act of illusion. You look at the eyes of the man you’ve categorically call your friend.

He comments on your hair. Your braids. Uttered something about your white top which coincidentally matches his white shirt. He picked up your precious moments table calendar whose existence you were not aware of until now, flipping through it month after month, smiling at the chubby little girlets and boylets. He even took noticed of your princess’ gift-tag-turned-bookmark you bought a year ago. Nobody said anything about it, not until now. Was that a compliment you heard him say? Something which smells nice? Was it your hair he was referring to? Was it about your favorite cologne you’ve been using for quite sometime now? Was that a compliment you just let pass? You felt warmth in your heart as you listen to him talk. You listen to the man you chose to call your friend.

This is his morning greeting to you. Your early rendezvous, which you’ve come to look forward to everyday. You’ve learned to treasure it a lot that it almost feels like sin to freely experience it like this. This and among other things which you’ve kept inside. Your own private collection of moments which you’ve gather together with half-closed eyes. Half fearing that the early morning tryst would turn out to be an extension of the dream you’ve had the night before. Half-hoping that everything is as real as it seems.

And finally, after a moment, you’ve said your goodbye’s to each other. You ended the morning meeting with a hearty “good morning” and a smile to bid each other’s day good luck. He goes his way and you go yours. A secret smile slowly playing on your lips and your heart looks back to the man you call your friend wishing that the same smile is also reflected in his.

Alas! Another day has begun.

Beloved

the only thing that is constant in this world for me.
His Unconditional love that enables me to go on in spite of.
I could never understand why such Love live just for me. Not just mere existence, but overflowing life from the well spring of His heart. I will never deserve such love…

My heart is strirred by a noble theme. As I recite my verses for the King. My tongue is the sword of a skillful writer.
~ psalm 45

Let me tell you something about my beloved.

He’s one that can make me smile first thing in the morning. His love for me is new every waking moment. He protects me, He fights for me, He makes me see things in a different light, and He knows just what to do. He’s so good, so kind, so sweet, yet so powerful. He knows when I deeply hurt. He wipes away the unseen tears, tears that I can’t show. He shares my secret victories, little successes that other people will never know about. More than anybody else He’s proud of me. In whatever I do, He’s my number one fan. He gives the loudest shout, the greatest cheer; and every time He does that I know that each clap and each shout He gives it for me.

He makes me weak inside whenever we’re together. When I’m down on my knees with Him, that’s when I know that I’m at the highest. In my weakness, He’s strong. In my strength, He sustains me. In my battles, He fights for me. In His love I find rest.

Sometimes when I cry, I just stay there in His arms… sometimes He doesn’t say a word… He’s just there, because He knows that more than just words what I need is somebody whose gonna be there. And when He does speak to me, He soothes away any pain, hurt, and tiredness; His words heal me and refreshes me. Sometimes I laugh for no reason at all…because I never thought it possible that I could love like this. And I never imagined somebody who would love me like this.

And he knows me more than anybody else. He knows me, memorize me inside out. He made me… my being. And when He made me, He took His time forming my eyes, each fingertip, counting each strand of hair. And He did not only made sure that I’m complete outside, but He has added His strength, His hope, His joy, every part of Him in me to make sure that I can go on through life. And He enables me to love.

How can I not fall in love with somebody like Him? And every time I ask why He won’t let go me even when I made such a mess in my life, of why He made “tyaga” over me, of why He cares so much for me, of why He brings out the best in me… He gives me the same answer again and again, “Since you are precious and honored in my sight… and because I love you.” He just loves me. That’s it. Not because I deserve it, or because I did something really good… He just can’t help but love. He’s Love.

That’s my beloved, the One who treasures me and whom I treasure most. And He is your beloved too. Let me share my beloved with you.

Pages

this piece is a bit special to me. It is one of my very first works which got published. It has taken me awhile to somehow “share” my doodlings with other people. I feel like I’m being stripped naked every time someone reads them. I don’t really write just so others could read my works, it just so happen that an extension of my thoughts found it’s way to some pages.Well, anyway the point of this write-up is actually this… no matter how messed up you think your life is there is always someone who is grateful to have you as part of theirs. Nothing you can do about it. You’re are not as hopeless as you think you are. You somehow managed to brighten’ someone’s day without you being conscious about it. The mere thought of you somehow starts their day. I don’t see anything wrong with that. So just be grateful about it cause they sure damn are. =)

I just want to say Thank You.

Thank you that we were there for each other.

In the short span of time that you’ve known me and i’ve known you, our very lives have been open to the other. An open book filled with creases and markings. Even the loose tattered pages we’ve allowed each other to see and to explore. Those pages whose colors has faded into yellowish brown, filled with cheap adhesive tapes just to keep the pieces together. The translucent path covered by these tapes bearing memories upon memories of mixed emotions.

I have those pages in me. Torn pages from my own hands and from the hands I encountered long before I met you. Pages i’ve tried to conceal, pages I’ve tried to forget. But you continued to read on in spite of that.

I have beautiful pages inside me too. Colorful pages filled with my own handwriting as I try to put into words the wonderful memories that I simply refuse to let go of. You smiled with me as you came along these pages. Silly things that make my eyes water from so much laughter. Thank you for smiling with me as I re-read and re-live those wonderful moments.

Thank you for allowing me to turn a few pages in you too. I saw the pages that caused you so much pain, and I ached for you. I saw the pages that used to warm your heart, and I feel for you cause those moments are no longer part of you now. I came along pages which you’ve tried to conceal from them, yet you trustfully allowed me to see, and I thank you for that. Thank you for the pages and thank you for the trust.

And just when we thought that we had each other all figured out, we realized we’re both wrong. For you cannot completely read me, and I you, for as we turn each other’s pages, new pages are birthed and added. And those pages are filled with both our handwritings. Pages we are yet to read, pages whose contents are still unknown to us.

Thank you for marking my life. Though the pages we share are all brand new, they’re filled with prints from a wonderful person I’ve found in you. As we continue to read on, I know there will be pages that will be hard for us to face. But whatever happens, I’ll continue to believe in that person I’ve met in the early start of these pages. The person whom I’ve come to treasure.

And after all of this is over. As we continue to turn our own pages, until we’ll arrived to the closing chapter of this journey, I’ll thank Him who is the author and finisher of this grand story for taking His time writing on those pages I’ve shared with you. Ours will be one of those pages I’ll never get tire of reading, of reliving. Ours will be pages, which will never fail to bring tears to my eyes as I recall fond memories. Ours will be pages that will never fail to make me smile.

And though our pages are not as intertwined as we sometimes hope they were, though there is no “us” but only me and only you, though the stories are all about these wonderful pages of friendship…still, thank you for taking time to read me.

And after all this, I hope that whenever you’ll think of my pages, it will bring a smile in your face and add a little warmth in your heart, and you’ll say “That was indeed a good read!”

Manhid

another one of my pathetic pieces… Manhid in english actually means Insensitive… the “ikaw” in this write-up is not insensitive at all. He’s kind, sweet, you could easily talk to.. hmm… ehehe.. i’ll save that for later…
This one is really about the word Assumption. A pretty big word eh? It’s hard right? you’re too careful not to read the wrong signs and yet at the back of your mind, part of you is actually hoping that maybe there is something more to what you see… that maybe there are other possibilities. But then again, not to assume is the safer choice. or is it ?

Hindi ako bato.
Hindi ako manhid kagaya mo na hindi naaapektuhan sa closeness natin.
At lalong hindi ako dense tulad ng lagi mong sinasabi sa kin.

Pero matanong ko lang, ano ba talaga ako sa buhay mo?

Ba’t ako yung tini-text till dawn mo araw-araw? Except na lng kung wala kang load.
Ba’t ako yung inaaya mo pag may gusto kang gawing bago, katarantaduhan man o seryoso?
Ba’t ako ang kasama mo pag pareho tayong walang magawa?
Ba’t sinasabi mo na sana pag nagka-gf ka kasing enjoy ko kasama?
Ba’t sinasabi mo na isa ako sa magandang gift sa buhay mo?
Ba’t kahit anong busy na natin at di tayo nakakapag-usap, dumadaan ka sa workstation ko para guluhin lang yung buhok ko, o tina-tap mo ko o pinipisil mo yung balikat ko?
Ba’t ang bait bait mo sa mga friends ko ?
Ba’t ako ang sinasabihan mo pag may kung ano mang gumugulo sa isip mo?
Ba’t ako ang tini-text mo pag nag-oovertime ka at wala kang kasama?
Ba’t ang gaan-gaan ng loob natin sa isa’t isa?
Ba’t kadalasan nauuwi sa mga relasyon yung mga usupan natin?
Ba’t sa akin ka nagmamaktol kung talo ka sa game nyo?
Ba’t sa akin mo sinasabi yung gusto mong qualities sa isang girl?
Ba’t naiinsecure ako pag inihehelera ko ang sarili ko sa mga girls na na-link sayo?

Ba’t ganito? Kung kailan handa na akong lumayo sayo, saka naman kayo di natuloy nung nililigawan mo? Kung kailan naman di rin kami natuloy nung nanliligaw sa kin?

Ba’t sa tuwing nag-pipray ako ikaw yung lagi huling pini-pray ko sa Kanya… na sana ingatan ka Niya, na sana maging masaya ka na, na sana matagpuan mo na rin yung “the one” mo…

Di ba magkaibigan lang naman tayo?
Di ba yun lng yun? Di ba? Di ba?

Sino bang manhid? Ikaw o ako?

Ang hirap kasing mag-assume lalo na kung babae ka. Hanggang ngayon naguguluhan pa rin ako.

Kahit magkaibigan tayo, ang hirap basahin ng mga bagay na ito. Tulungan mo naman ako o, o:

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