Windchimes

July 4, 2006

Wind’s Touch

Filed under: Doodles, Blabs and Rants — didee @ 8:19 pm

He came at a time when i really needed a friend. He didn’t came rushing into my life, He came, like a slow turning wind, not wanting to cause any change in me, he’s just there. And i didnt really think of anything other than friendship to pull through what we have.
He’s the wind, let him come and go.

Befriending the Wind

But that wind, understood my pain. That wind understood my fear. That wind understood what i needed more at that time. That wind held on to me, even if he didnt understand why. Why me. Why now. Why this way. And that wind stayed on, not rushing or demanding, just simply trying to get to know me.

That Wind was James. And he got to know me, and me him.

Through the friendship, he had been nothing but a good good friend to me and the people around me. Never failed to be there, a shoulder, a companion, a good listener… one of the most unselfish person i know. And yet… i held back even to a friend. For fear of getting hurt, for fear of hurting him.
But he held on, not just to me… but to God… 🙂

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Probably one of the sweetest person i know. He says whats on his mind. He tells you whats in his heart. And yet… it took awhile for him to tell me what he feels, though its quite obvious when i got enough bouquets from him to have my own flowershop. Flowers as early as 6 in the morning personally delivered at my place to greet me when i wake up, and 3 in the morning as i got off from my overtime work at the office. (hehehe sorry hon ha, share ko lng). That time our emails we’re even closed with “take care friend!”, “back pats for you friend!”. Friend friend ka dyan! =)

WindChimes

I remember the first time he asked me out, i said yes, only to take it back the following day. (remember that hon?) It was really bitchy of me, but believe me, i have my own poor excuses (hehe).

When i was in japan, he would call me at night just to say goodnight, and in the morning he would be my wake up call. (Lagi lagi, dli ka ganahan nako.. hehe.. dli obvious). There was even one time when i was late in getting back to the hotel and this conversation transpired between him and the japanese front-desk :

(after calling the hotel for the nth time)

james : Are you sure she’s not around???
japanese-front-desk : No sir, she’s dianne!!!

(heheh.. get it guys?)

I like going to church with him. sharing my faith with him. Talking about God and faith without shoving it down our throat or being too religious about the whole thing. I like going to the mountaintop with him, and just let our eyes be emersed with the view, and let our worries be taken by the scenery and the wind. I like sharing one dinner plate with him when we go out. I like when he corrects me of certain things, and when we listen to each other’s angst and frustrations and dreams. He knew that I’m a pathetic drinker, and i know he’s uncomfortable with gays which is funny cause he would sometimes intentionally act like one for comic effect (but he has nothing against them.. hehehe..). And i like playing chikicha with him… and beating his ass off on almost every game. (haahah)

… I love …

And then came a time that he told me about what he feels.

And i said .. “No.”

I know how much that must have hurt him. And it hurts me too, to know that i hurt him. But at that time. I don’t feel “it” yet. That feeling of wanting to commit myself into a relationship with someone again. That feeling of willingness to risk my trust, my heart… my self… with someone. For someone who takes risks so easily and loves throwing caution to the wind… i chickened out. Cause i gave God my heart to be fixed, and I don’t want to take it back now…. cause i have always been thinking that it’s still under repair… like it’s admitted in the ICU and is under observation till He says its ok for it go out.

I do feel something for him.. but im not sure at that time what to call it. And though sometimes its tempting to test fate, there are also some times where when there’s doubt… then don’t.

I cried that night. Though he doesn’t know it. I was confuse. I was sad. I don’t want him to go, but i can’t ask him to stay. Drama sah? Bitaw. hehe. And on that night Wind’s Touch was written.I asked him to let me go.

And he let me go and let God deal with what he feels for me, and what i feel for him. But the friendship stayed on. And the friendship grew. And blossomed… 🙂

Blind Faith

Fastforward, after much praying and “Lord-take-away-this-feeling-if-its-not-meant-to-be” lines… we found ourselves in the place where he once he told me that he love me and i said “i’m sorry”.

And there, He told me again… he asked me again…

And i said “yes.”….

but took it back after 10 minutes. Ten freaking minutes!!

Yes, i know what you’re thinking. but you should have been there when that happened. For some unexplainable reason… its like some tiny voice is saying
“Wait a little more. It will all be beautiful soon.”

Crazy? yes.

I cried, He cried, two crazy couple under the starlit sky, just exchanged i love you’s… then agreed to wait just a little more. Choosing to trust faith. For faith is being sure of what you hope for, and being certain of things you do not see.

And we’re peaceful. We understood. We just trust.
Ever felt that? Things don’t make sense, and yet you’re peaceful inside.

We were happy.

I am.

He is, but he can’t help but ask for more than that.

It doesnt make sense then, but looking back at it now… we both see the bigger picture, and whose hand was at work during that time.

Preparing Goodbye

Fastforward again, i didn’t know that he was preparing himself to totally let me go. To give me some space to think. That perhaps He was given to me and i to him , only for a certain season. He would be saying goodbye without actually saying it to me, he thought, he would try to take good care of me for the last time…

and that was during my birthday.

He gave me the best birthday surprise ever. It was his way of saying goodbye without me knowing. From balloons, to flowers, to fireworks. But the best gift that night for me, is him. And that night, before driving me home. I held his hand. Cause i just really want to. All the things i couldn’t find the words to say…

And we have never held hands before. Not once. All that time. All the oppurtunities hehehe… (ambot allergic cguro na cya nako hehehe.. soft naman hands ko ah! )…

and then… all thoughts about goodbyes went flying away… ( Now he tells me, that that one touch of the hand did it… caught him in the nick of time… so he says.. SUs! if i’ve known earlier hehehe..)

… i thought then… “i’ve fallen for this man… and i respect him… and i trust him… and yes… more than anything else… i love him” (cheeessy!! nanindog ako balahibo heheh)

… and he thought (feel ko lng, this is what he thought.. hehe .. bitaw.. he told me after na)…
“i love her… and im gonna fight for what i feel for her…”

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Beautiful Wind

and so.. fast forward again…

Without him asking… i gave the answer… heheh… and we just owe it all to Him who took it in His hand to write our own story… 🙂

Even a friend had a dream about us. Perhaps it is a sign. Yeah maybe. I wasn’t really asking for a sign, but im encouraged with the thought that people who matters to me got my back on this one. It’s different this time. And I’m not the only one who’s said so.

Just the other day, i had this short exchange with a friend and Im just encouraged and thankful…


me : its nice to find someone who brings out the best in you and you in him.. char! Mao c ATTY na imo weee!
her : ehehe.. yea… mao jd na ako gus2 (thats wat i lyk too)…
well.. nahan ko rn sa epek sa imo (and well,now i like the effect that it has on u)
me : so far.. so good hehe 🙂
her : it was differnt b4
me : hell yea! hehe.. looking back now…
her : taysa naglisud ko compose sa ako ingnon
(im hving a hard time composing what i wanna say)
me : sauna, entered den i prayed (before, i entered and then i prayed about it),but this time, i prayed before i entered … makes a lot of difference… no baggages
her : wat i’m trying to say is… it shows..
murag d love ur getting from d relationship ba ky u r able to share it to ppl… not jst to u
me : waaaah.. thanks … so ATTY na imuha ha! heheh ako bridge!! (hehhe… she would kill me if she read this one.. but ATTY has my vote!)

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2 Comments »

  1. woooww… grabe jud ang lovestory. =) i can totally relate sa feeling.. overwhelming di ba to find someone who loves you as you are and who brings out the best in you. =)

    happy for you!

    Comment by azinette — July 7, 2006 @ 10:02 pm

  2. tedee, God authored this. 😉
    brace yourself for more surprises!!

    there is peace in the wind, embrace it… =)

    Comment by dr0pdead — July 15, 2006 @ 11:13 am


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