Missing Him
Lately I had been restless. I attributed it to a lot of things. Perhaps it’s moving to a new house, it’s adjusting to my new life, it’s adjusting to my new work, it’s being away from my family and from J, it’s this, it’s that… excuses went zapping through my head like bullets. And none of them really stuck.
And just yesterday, while I was on my way home. I was waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green, and I just suddenly felt this urge to cry! I blurted out what had been lurking in my mind, “I miss you Paking!”. And that would top all other reasons for my spiritually feeling undr the weather.
Paking, is most commonly known, as God. Papa King as I lovingly named Him years back. Our relationship with Him, like any other relationships, needs nurturing, care, time, attention… our whole undivided attention. And that is what I have missed doing lately.
Sure we went to mass. Sure the thought of praying and reading the Bible crosses our minds, my mind, once in awhile. But it used to be more than that between us. It wasn’t just about that between us. And I want it to be more than that.
Charge Up!
Feeling under the weather spiritually is like experiencing low battery life on your cellphone. You get depress and you feel anxious. You want to reach people but you can’t, and people can’t reach you if they want to. Sometimes you feel you want to pray, but in the middle you get lazy or sleepy. Sometimes you feel like there’s a gap between you and Him. Or sometimes you feel like your prayers don’t get past the ceiling.
I rarely have my cell battery empty out on me, but it did last Monday! And just when I got my very much awaited call from Dell regarding a recent purchase I made, just when I said my sweetest “hello…”, my phone died out on me. I should have taken that as a sign that Paking wants me to recharge not just my cellphone but also my spirit.
I’ve been slacking!
He reminded me of that conversation we had just before I moved here. That He would refresh my surroundings, what I’ll see, who I’m gonna be with. But He’s gonna be there and He’s gonna fill my thoughts and we’re gonna have our talks a little more frequently. I miss those talks.
Friend for Keeps
Our relationship is a friend/friend and a father/daughter relationship. I call Him dude, buddy, Manoy, Nong, Papa as I tell Him my rants, my joy, how my day went. He would call me ‘Nak. And He would just listen to what I gotta say, no matter how senseless they may seem. And with one answer He would just silence me. And all I could say is “Bitaw sah, pastilan, how come I didn’t think of that? God jud diay ka God sah!” (You’re right, how come I didn’t think of that? You really are a God!”) It may seem funny, others find it blasphemous, without respect with how I relate to Him, but that’s how I talk to Him.
Yes He is God, Thou, Art , Thy God… but He is also my friend. And I think more than anything, that’s where my relationship with Him thrives. Cause when you are with your friend, rules don’t apply, you are just yourself. And I guess the reason why some don’t develop a personal relationship with Him, is because of that thinking that one has to be holy first before befriending a holy God. It’s just a matter of faith. Mustard seed faith is all it takes! 
But anyhow, I’m digressing already. The last thing I want is a preachy post. It’s just that, I know all of us has ties with certain people we don’t want to break, we treasure a lot, and we can’t imagine ourselves being without. I hope we won’t forget that one relationship that’s been there for us through full bars and low bats.
One thing I’ve learned, and I loved so dearly, is to soak things in prayers. Not the mumbling prayers which is a work of mouth, but a prayer that is a work of heart. Because our confidence is not that we can… but because HE can!
Daniel 9:23 – ” As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given”
